What did I expect??

As I hopped on the scale this morning, I was optimistic that today would be the day that I entered the zone that I refer to as the Single Digit 200's. The Single Digit 200's can only be claimed by people weighting between 200 and 209 pounds. My weight has been hovering slightly over 210 pounds for the past few weeks, and I felt that I had done a fair job the past week with my healthy eating and exercise regime so I was sure that today would be the day. (Don't tell my body this, but I was secretly hoping to weigh in at 208 pounds).

Well, I got on the scale and was surprised to see the number 210.0 glaring back at me. I immediately thought that it must a mistake, so I quickly weighed in again. Nope, 210 pounds it was! I thought that it must be my PMS weight gain, or the fact that I didn't drink enough water yesterday, or the fact that I only exercised 5 days last week instead of my usual 6. (By the way, none of these are valid excuses for me because I don't usually put on PMS weight, I drank plenty of water, and I exercised harder in those 5 days that I usually do).

During the commute to work today, I was continuing to think of reasons that I maintained at 210 instead of lost. I started thinking about the times that I had dined in a restaurant last week, but surely a few insufficient trips to local dining establishments couldn't be the culprit, could it? I quickly started counting restaurant visits on my fingers (Yes, I'm 35 and still count on my fingers) and once the number reached 10, I quit counting. There was my problem! I had eaten out over 10 times last week (12 to be exact), and even though I thought I was making healthy choices, I was still consuming way too many calories. My exercise routine burned enough calories to prevent me from gaining weight, but not enough make me lose weight.

I definitely need to do a better job at tracking my calories and planning meals ahead of time. I'm working way too hard at this to sit and spin my wheels.

The Spring Clothing Collection by Lazyboy

Since spring is in the air (well almost), I decided it might be nice to purchase a few new shirts for the season. I'm not one that spends a whole lot of time purchasing clothing because I get so frustrated when nothing fits me the way I think it should. I am shaped like Pacman--a big round torso with thinner legs, so it's hard to find clothing that doesn't make me look like a walking basketball. I'm losing weight, so I know that the clothing I purchase will only be temporary, but I'm frustrated as hell with the choices I have found so far.

Who designs the plus size clothing? Furniture manufacturers, perhaps? I understand that plus size women shouldn't necessarily dress just like the non-plus size gals because they have some figure flaws that they are trying to hide. However, it sure makes us plus sized women feel horrible when clothing makers can't come up with something remotely attractive for us to wear. Every shirt I saw today reminded me of a horrific couch fabric. Do they really think that it's a good idea to make larger woman wear floral prints the size of Uncle Bob's head? What's with all these brightly colored geometric shapes? Because that's what all of us larger gals want is to call more attention to our bodies.

What happened to basic colored shirts? I just want a burgundy, black, red, or blue shirt with no hideous pattern or goofy embellishments. You know, something that makes me feel like I am well dressed without calling unnecessary attention to my body. I don't want to wear a shirt that blinds people because it's flashier than the Vegas strip. Am I asking for too much?

I'm Singing the Chocolate Donut Blues

I have never had much of a sweet tooth. I would sell my sister for a cheese enchilada, but cakes, cookies and candy have never held much appeal for me. Don't get me wrong, that has never stopped me from eating my fair share of goodies. After all, I needed to do my part to stimulate the economy by supporting Krispy Kreme, Hershey's, Nestle, etc.

Today one of our vendors dropped off a box of donuts and I had no intention of having one. After I finished lunch, I entered today's food intake into The Daily Plate and I realized that I had plenty of calories left. The donuts starting calling to me. "Oh, Pudgy Gal, come meet us. We're fresh and covered in gooey chocolate." Well, I gave in and ate a donut and it tasted mighty fine. However, about 30 minutes later I felt like I had been hit by a train--I was drowsy, dizzy and felt just plain yucky.

I think my body was trying to tell me that it no longer wants to consume junk, and I can't argue with that. I feel so much better when I make healthy food choices. No more donuts for me!

Goodbye Fast Food, Hello Exercise

Fat Bridesmaid has inspired many of us to join her in a Lenten challenge. For my part of the challenge, I have vowed to exercise 6 days per week for at least 30 minutes per day during Lent. As you can probably tell by my slight weight increase the past 2 weeks, I have been eating too much junk food lately. To help curb this problem, I have also vowed to quit spending my weekday lunch hours at our local dining establishments and bring my lunch from home.

Random Thought #1 ~because life is about more than weight loss

I’m not a big fan of reality dating shows, but I am a faithful follower of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. The show is a silicon-filled train wreck, but I haven’t ever missed an episode.

Am I pitiful? Yes. Do I care? No.

I have been quite proud of the progress that I have made since starting anew 5 weeks ago. I have been eating better, exercising and losing weight at a steady rate. As I mentioned in a previous post I have been completely focused on weight loss and not dealing with anything else. My routine has been pretty straight forward--wake up in the morning, prepare my food for the day, go to work, come home, exercise, go to bed. I have been quite fortunate that I haven't had many outside distractions to detour me from my goals.

I believe that this week is going to be the first big test I have had on this journey. I am meeting friends tonight for dinner and bowling. I am attending a meeting tomorrow night after work. I have family coming to stay at our house this weekend, and I am hosting a dinner party on Saturday. Those of you with really busy schedules are thinking "What's the big deal?" For me it is a big deal because I am easy thrown off track. It only takes a meal or two of bad eating and I am right back to where I started--eating junk and hanging out on the couch instead of exercising. I am determined to not let all of this hard work go to hell in a handbasket!

Wish me luck this week. I know that luck isn't really going to help me, but it definitely can't hurt.

The Weighing Game - Feb 9, 2009

I am happy to report that, as of this morning, my current weight is 211.4. I was hoping to see 212 on the scale, so I was pleasantly surprised. That brings my total weight loss to 11.2 pounds.
Only 8.8 more pounds to go until I can get my new cell phone*.

*I decided that it's time to upgrade my cell phone so that I can surf the web and view my email while on the go. I am known for just impulsively purchasing items on a whim, but I thought it might motivate me to earn a new phone. I made a deal with myself that I can purchase a new phone only after I have lost my first 20 pounds. Seeing that it's only a matter of time until I reach my first 20 pound goal (yes, I'm getting cocky now), does anyone have a recommendation for a great cell phone?

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

I am nearing the end of week 5 of my new and improved weight loss journey and have been quite proud of my progress so far. At my week 4 weigh-in, I had lost just slightly less than 10 pounds (9.8 to be exact). I have starting to actually enjoy and look forward to exercise (boy, would my old high school gym teacher be shocked to hear that). I still have a long way to go, but I can already see small changes in my body which only fuel my desire to keep going. Just when I think that I might finally have what it takes to beat the fat monster this time, I am faced with reality. In this instance, reality is my kitchen sink.

You might be wondering what a kitchen sink has to do with weight loss--nothing if you're an average person, but I'm not normal. My kitchen sink is currently packed to capacity with every dirty plate, bowl, fork, spoon and pyrex dish that I own. The laws of physics will simply not allow me to place another object in the sink without having my world come crashing down. Unfortunately, the sink is yet another reminder of how I've let my daily obligations be pushed aside in order to lose weight. I can feel myself becoming frustrated with the way I have let everything get out of control. Normally, this would be the time when I would throw in the weight loss towel.

I have always had a hard time successfully balancing several tasks at once. My full attention goes to the project at hand and the rest of my daily activities are left to pay the price. In the past 5 weeks, I have focused so much on healthy eating and exercising that I have had no time for housework, friends or other extracurricular activities. So, while I've been burning calories like a fiend, I have desperately been neglecting my other duties and things are starting to get out of control.

It just seems as though there are not enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished. I have a dear friend that has managed to lose nearly 100 pounds while working fulltime, chasing her toddler, finishing college and managing a household. What's my excuse? My excuse is that I'm full of excuses.

I need to find a happy medium--a way to continue with my weight loss efforts but not neglect my other obligations. Perhaps I need a time management course. Perhaps I need to hire someone to clean my house. Perhaps I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it and find a way to make it happen because I don't have any other option this time around. I won't give up on my weight loss journey and I won't let my other obligations go to hell in a hand basket.

So, I'm going to go slip into my workout clothes and hit the pavement, but first I will be stopping by my kitchen sink to pay it some much needed attention.

Welcome Back!!

Everyone sing along (ok, only those of you that remember Welcome Back, Kotter need to sing, and the rest of you will just have to read along)

Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.
Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they’re turned around.
Who’d have thought they’d lead ya
Back here where we need ya

I have been thinking a lot lately about this blog, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to start blogging again. So, just for shits and giggles, I logged on today and it has been exactly one year to the date since the last time that I blogged. You may be wondering what has happened in the past year. I would love to tell you that I stuck with my weightloss efforts and am currently typing this in my perfectly-fitted string bikini which shows off my new kick-ass body......but that's not the way the story goes. In the past year, I managed to gain a few more pounds and topped out at 222.8 on January 5, 2009. As of February 2, 2009 I and am currently tipping the scales at 213 pounds.

Now you may be thinking that 213 pounds isn't all that different from the 214.2 that I weighed a year ago, but you're wrong. I have really begun to overhaul my lifestyle. I have eliminated most processed foods from my diet and am exercising 6 days a week. And get this, I actually like to exercise now. While running (yes, running) on the treadmill the other day I caught myself saying "God, this feels good!" I said that!! I have never thought that exercise felt good, I always felt that exercise was like hell on earth, but I'm changing and things are different this time...AND I MEAN IT!!!

I've heard people say that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you want to help yourself improve. I think it finally happened. I turned 35 and couldn't believe the person that I had become. I didn't control my life, food did. I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I had done to my body. I had finally run out of excuses. I could no longer look at myself in the mirror and say that I'll start tomorrow or next week, the time was now!

So raise your glass and toast me and my new lifestyle. It's not an easy road, but I'm taking the journey and enjoying the adventure.

No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you!!

It has been a year since the last time I posted.

February 5, 2008, I would like for you to meet February 5, 2009. You both have so much in common, but yet you are so very different.

Exercise? What is that?

I know that exercise is an integral part of any weight loss program, but why can't I make myself begin? I have a basement full of exercise equipment including a treadmill, elliptical machine, recumbent bike, full weight set and a Total Gym. You would think that having my own personal gym in my basement would make it easy to exercise, but that has not been the case. The equipment just sits there collecting dust while I come up with excuse after excuse of why I can't exercise today. Here are all of the excuses that I come up with and why they aren't viable excuses:

1- I'm too tired = Of course I'm tired, I am 70+ pounds overweight and carrying that extra weight around everyday is making me more tired than I should be, but exercise would help me lose the weight faster and give me more energy.

2- I'm too busy = I'm not too busy, I'm just bad at prioritizing my schedule. I know plenty of people with busier lives than me, but they always find time to exercise.

3- My back hurts = Again, that 70+ extra pounds are to blame. My back will start feeling better once I lose weight, and I need to exercise to make that happen.

4- I really want to watch this television show = I have a television right next to all of the exercise equipment and watching the show while I exercise would make the time go by faster.

5- I would rather spend time with my husband = He really could benefit from exercise too, so we should go for a walk together.

6- I'll start exercising once I lose more weight = I'd lose weight faster if I would start exercising right now.

7- I'll start exercising once I purchase that new piece of equipment or that new exercise video = I already have an arsenal of exercise equipment to use.

8- I can't exercise in the morning because I'm not a morning person = This one is easy, I need to exercise at night.

9- I can't exercise after I get home from work because I need to cook dinner = I need to prepare my meals in advance and make dinner preparation much easier and faster.

As you can see, I am great at coming up with excuses to prevent me from exercising, but it's time to get real. No more excuses! Exercise, here I come!

Super Bowl = Super Yucky

Ok, so I fell of the wagon today. Actually, it was more like I fell of the wagon, the wagon rolled over me, and then I was hit by another passing wagon. I just didn't have the willpower to resist all of the yummy Super Bowl food, and in the end I ate WAY too much junk food.

Now last Super Bowl I also ate way too much, but that was just the beginning of the binge that I went on. I used it as an excuse to eat crap for the next few weeks, but this year is going to be different. I think that my body might be getting used to eating better food because I feel miserable after eating all of that junk food. I can feel a layer of grease on my tongue and my stomach is churning, and you know what? I don't want to feel like this anymore! My body deserves better!

Tomorrow morning I am going to wait for the wagon, and I am going to jump on with full force. This time I am find a seat and going to buckle myself in, so I don't fall off again.

The Window Doesn't Lie

Each morning I endure a barbaric process which I have dubbed the “Morning Mirror Ritual,” and today was going to be no exception. I began the ritual by choosing my daily wardrobe from my dwindling selection of pants—currently 2 pair that fit without fear of busting a seam. I then carefully selected a shirt, that if draped properly, would hopefully camouflage the portion of my stomach that insists on hanging over the top of my pants.

Once I was outfitted in my clothes, I proceeded to the bathroom to present my newly outfitted body to the mirror and hopefully gain acceptance. Some mornings it takes me twenty minutes to pick out an outfit that doesn't leave me wanting to cry. As I stepped in front of the mirror, I stood up straight and turned slightly to the side to catch a glimpse of my rear. The reflection that appeared in the mirror did not look too bad, and at that moment I thought that I sure don't look like I weight 214 pounds. I must carry it well. As I left for work, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Fast forward to lunch. I left the office to run a couple of errands and also to take a break from the monotony of the job. As I exited the bank and strolled down the street to the bookstore, I caught a glimpse of a “plump” woman in the window of a local clothing store. The woman was slightly hunched over and her shirt had ridden up revealing a large, jolly belly protruding from her pants. It took me a few moments to realize that the overweight woman was my reflection, and I could no longer deny that I had the body shape of PacMan.

Boy, did I catch myself off guard. Had I have known that I would be viewing myself in that window, I would have stood up straight, sucked in my stomach and pulled my shirt down, but then I wouldn't have seen the real me. In the past, I would have been depressed by such an image, but now I am actually inspired by the reflection of myself. The image will remain etched in my memory as a reminder and a motivation to stay with this journey.

The State of My Body Address

Dear Readers:

It is with humble gratitude that I write for you tonight. Although I have faced a setback in my life with the gaining of this weight, I promise you that with courage, dedication and detailed planning that I will reach my weight loss goal.

I think back to only ten years ago, before the weight was gained, and I remember a vital, young woman who was ready to conquer the world. That energy and optimism were soon met with the rigor of everyday life, endless fast food and a slowly growing waistline. Soon thereafter, the young vital woman was replaced with the overweight woman that types before you tonight.

The state of my body is overweight, but my attitude and willpower are strong. I vow to you that this burdening weight will not remain on my body, and I will triumph in this battle.

Update - Day 4

Well, here I am on day four of my journey, and I am still hanging in there. I won't lie, I have been feeling quite hungry, but that is probably normal when you start restricting your calories after being used to eating everything in sight. I have this horrible habit of eating until I feel stuffed and that is one of the issues that I need to tackle with myself. Actually, I have quite a few food and eating issues that I need to tackle, but right now I am just focusing on getting my caloric intake within the correct range. I am afraid that if I jump head first into this new lifestyle and change all of my bad habits at once that it will only result in failure. Failure is something that I am not ready for, nor willing to accept, this time around. I am trying to take things one day at a time and slowly transform my eating and exercise habits.

I do not have any idea if I have lost any weight because I am boycotting the scale until Valentine's Day (February 14th). I will admit that it has been quite hard to stay off of the scale, but it seems to be getting easier every day, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

214.2 - Holy @!#%

Do you know what 214.20 is? No, it’s not the amount of my last paycheck. It’s my current weight!!!! How did I come to weigh over 200 pounds? It’s all a blur. It seems like only yesterday that I weighed 180 pounds and I was upset with myself at that weight. What part of me thought that it would be a good idea to gain an additional 34 pounds? Well, I can’t believe that I just posted my weight on a website for the whole world to see. Then again, that was the point of this blog, to keep me accountable.

According to height/weight tables, the ideal weight for a woman of my height (5’5”) is 127-141 pounds assuming that I have a medium-sized frame. I am currently setting my weight loss goal for 140 pounds, but we may need to adjust that up or down in the future. Heck, I would be thrilled to death to currently weigh the 180 pounds that upset me so many years ago. Gee, I only need to lose 74.2 pounds and I will be to my goal weight. This journey may take longer than I thought, but as is the case with most journeys, getting there is half the fun.

My Body Mass Index is currently 35.7 which is considered obese. OBESE, what a horrible word. How about we use the term pleasantly plump or excessively chubby? I like those words much better than obese. I knew that I was overweight, but I wouldn’t have ever thought of myself as obese. Well, now I know.

I have chosen calorie counting as my method of achieving my weight loss. I pondered many other diets, but I decided that in the end it all comes down to calories in vs. calories out, so I might as well cut out the middle man. I have been using a site called Spark People to track the calories that I consume each day. According to their site, I should be consuming between 1240-1590 calories per day to experience moderate weight loss (1-2 pounds) each week. I think back on all of the 1000 calorie breakfasts that I have consumed in the past, and I must bid them farewell. I know for a fact that on many days I would have consumed the entire 1590 calories by lunchtime. After you add a substantial dinner and a couple of snacks to that calorie count, it’s no wonder that I am over weight.

Bye-Bye Mr. Scale...We'll Meet Again on Valentine's Day

I am one of those people that is a slave to their scale. I weigh myself the first thing every morning as I prepare to enter the shower. I don’t know why I have made the scale part of my morning ritual as it only causes me grief. My bodyweight can fluctuate greatly from one day to the next, and when the weight is down I feel great, but when it’s up I feel discouraged.

I have decided that for the first 3 weeks of my weight loss journey that I will not step on the scale once. Boy was that a hard habit to break this morning. I caught myself with one foot on the scale and had to talk myself off of the beast. After all, what harm can one peek at the scale do? A lot of harm, actually. Depending on the outcome of that number, my mood will be set for the day. So for the next 3 weeks, my mood will be set by ME and not the dreaded scale.

What happens after the 3 week weigh in you ask. I have decided that if I don’t see a dramatic change in my weight by then (I am calling 5 pounds dramatic), I may have to take my sister’s advice and try the medically supervised diet that she has done which I call the bouillon diet.

The 3 week weigh in happens to fall on Valentine’s Day. Actually, there could not be a more fitting day for the first weigh in because I am hoping to LOVE what I see on the scale.

Who starts a diet on a Thursday?

There is an unwritten rule that all diets must begin on a Monday. The reason for starting your diet on Monday is so you can hit every all-you-can-eat buffet in town during the weekend to pack your stomach full of food that you won’t be able to eat for the duration of said diet. Well, I am breaking that rule, and my new diet (lifestyle change) is beginning on a Thursday. The reason for this abrupt change in my eating habits is simple….I’ve had enough!

My sister recently lost a fair amount of weight on a medically supervised diet. She couldn’t have more than 700-800 calories a day, and her meals consisted of pre-made shakes and soups. The shakes didn’t appear to be too bad, but she made one of the soups at my house and we had to soak the bowl overnight to remove the soup residue. It coated the inside of the bowl like latex paint. She was also required to take a handful of various vitamins, supplements and 2 bouillon cubes daily. Now I don’t know about you, but bouillon cubes aren’t my idea of good eatin’.

My sister phoned last night in an attempt to talk me into visiting her weight loss center and scheduling an appointment with the doctor. I have to admit that the quick weight loss sound very appealing. I’m not looking forward to month after month of calorie counting, but I would rather count calories than eat bouillon cubes. After I got off the phone with my sister last night, I decided that I have had enough of my current lifestyle. I know what I need to do to lose weight, and it’s time to just do it. So, here I am on Thursday and the new lifestyle has begun.

Maybe starting diets on Monday has been my problem all along. Okay, so it has probably been my lack of willpower and my love for enchiladas that has prevented me from succeeding, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Donuts?? These people are evil!

I'm was all excited this morning on the drive into work because I had this light bulb moment (at an intersection) that if I post my weight loss journey on a blog, perhaps it will keep me honest. I sit down to at my desk and begin the process of setting up a blog. I haven't even posted my first blog entry yet, and I receive an email from my boss stating that there are donuts in the kitchen. Donuts? You have got to be kidding me! I finally decide that today is the day to begin my weight loss journey and he brings donuts. Now mind you, the boss has no idea that I'm trying to lose weight, but how am I supposed to sit in my office and ignore this box of sugary, glazed, sprinkle-covered, cake-like goodness? I'm telling you, these co-workers and their never ending treats are going to be trouble.